Victory!

Last night, as I stumbled into the house, the only strength I had was to briefly talk to my roommate about a few things. And then I promptly collapsed. So, it’s not until today that I can write about last night’s victory.

I’m still glowing about it, actually. I can’t really believe I did it. Last night, after months of trying, I actually walked into a support group meeting. And you know what, it wasn’t as difficult as I was making it out in my head. I briefly hesitated after locking my bike up in the parking lot. But, then I decided that I was tired of failing. So, I walked in. The nice lady who was working the front desk noticed my hesitation. But, was super nice to me. I told her why I was there. She didn’t flinch. She simply asked if this was the first time I had been there. I said yes. And she asked me to fill out a form that involved me checking some boxes. I didn’t have to write my name down, which I found a relief. I was already stressed about being there. She then showed me back to the room where four other people were.

Once the meeting started, they went around the table having everyone introduce themselves. When they got to me, I was told that I didn’t have to say anything. I appreciated that. When I’m stressed, I find it hard to speak. But, after being there for awhile, the moderator could clearly tell that I was getting a little more comfortable. So, she asked if I wanted to introduce myself. So, I did. And you know what, I lived. Lightning didn’t come through the roof and strike me dead. I didn’t have a heart attack. And nobody in the room stood up with a gun to shoot me. Everyone was, without exception, very nice.

I told myself I wouldn’t pull out my phone to use that as a distraction. I held to that once the meeting started. But, before it began, I took a second to send text messages to my friends Melissa, Kara and my roommate, Jules. They have all been cheering me on as I struggled to find the strength to walk through the doors. So, I wanted to share my victory with them.

I even had a male friend, who I have been writing via email offer to go with me. I appreciated the offer. But, this was something I needed to do on my own. And I’m glad I did.

Once the meeting ended, and we were all heading out the doors, I looked back at the moderator and thanked her for not beating me up. When I think back to that, it kind of sounds like a silly thing to say. But, last night, I fully expected that if I went in there, something bad would happen. So, taken in context, what I really meant was that I was thankful that it all went so well.

I can’t wait until next week.

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About Frogtosser

A former sailor and pizza maker who is done hiding from the world and is now living life to it's fullest extent. I'm a single speed bicycle commuter who enjoys writing and photography. I'm a voracious reader. And a huge geek!
This entry was posted in Anxiety, Gender Stuff, NotAboutFamily, Social Anxiety, Transgender. Bookmark the permalink.

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