Last night, I experienced a panic attack for the first time in at least a year.
The stress of having to find a place to live finally caught up with me. It felt like the world was closing in on me. And it didn’t help that I was busy at work. And it appeared that the opening manager was unprepared for the dinner rush.
My usual reaction when having a panic attack is to just leave my current location. To get away. But, I was at work, in the middle of a Friday night dinner rush. I couldn’t exactly walk out on my job. So, I tried to do the best I could to cope.
I became kind of grumpy. I’ve seen managers who get stressed out during a dinner rush kick things and yell at employees. That wasn’t me last night. I just wasn’t in a good mood. I didn’t take it on anybody. I just wasn’t my normal fun loving self. Toward the end of the rush, a couple of people asked me if I was ok. I didn’t think it was that plainly visible. I told them that I had had a long day. Which wasn’t that far off.
I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. And I had a 3 hour class yesterday. Yesterday was a long day. But, it wasn’t any more stressful than any other recent day.
The responses I do get from people renting rooms, don’t go far. Most of the time, I don’t get a response. Which, I assume means they don’t think I would be a good fit, or they’ve found someone else. I’ve gotten enough responses from enough people to know that there are at least some people out there who think I would be a good roommate. I know I’m a good person. And I hope that I’m conveying that in the emails I send out.
Some of it might be my age. I’m 37 years old. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know for sure.
One thing I do know for sure. I have 14 days.