I have this friend. I don’t get to see her very often since I moved, what I do hear nowadays is what I hear from mutual friends.
We have something in common. We both have to take medication. Perhaps, I developed a kinship with her because of that. We were both struggling at the same time. I have always been there when she needed someone to talk about when she was having problems getting medication or getting the right medication. My problems weren’t as severe as hers. But, there were similarities. She has a problem with depression. She doesn’t have highs per se. But, when she crashes. She crashes hard. Thankfully, she was able to get medication. And over the last 5 years or longer, I think she has been doing fairly well. She has been successful at work. She finished college. And started a job that she loves doing.
About 8 months ago, she got pregnant. Now, I have always had a hard time envisioning her as a mom. She’s feminine. But, has an interest in fixing cars. Don’t get me wrong. I just never saw her as the nurturing type. When we all found out she was pregnant, we all congratulated her. But, you could see the look in all of our faces. “How is this going to play itself out.”
The one thing I didn’t think about when I heard about her pregnancy was that she had to go off her meds. Some of the medications she takes would get to the baby. When I first heard this, the memories of late night crying fits, and other things came flooding back. I almost feel lucky to not be around up in my old neighborhood anymore. Everytime I talk to a mutual friend, I ask how things with our friend are going. It’s not going well. I spoke with one such friend last night. This is what she told me.
*Within the last couple of months, she has been placed on a court ordered psychological hold.
*She didn’t like the baby shower that was thrown for her.
*She doesn’t mention the baby by name.
*The only time she talks about the baby, she complains and says she can’t wait for this pregnancy to be over.
Now, I completely understand that pregnancies can’t be fun. Especially toward the end. You feel fat and unattractive. And your’e uncomfortable. You just want it to end. But, everything I’m hearing makes me think this is different. It doesn’t sound like she has bonded with this baby. Or even the thought of having a baby.
I hope that when she delivers, things change. We all hope that when she is handed this little baby girl for the first time, she’ll fall in love. Hope is one thing. The reality of the situation is quite another.
She’s currently living with her parents and boyfriend. So, I know she won’t be alone. And I hope she starts her meds right away after delivering. Because of her need for medication, she won’t be able to breast feed. But, that’s ok. It’s certainly not the end of the world.
I’ll be honest here. Down right honest. As much as I love my friend. And hope she gets the help she needs. I fear for the safety of this baby. It doesn’t help that I live so far away now. Without a car. But, in reality, is there much I can do? No one can be with her 24 hours a day.
I’m going to be holding my breathe for the first six months after she gives birth. I don’t want to get that phone call.