It would seem I’m not happy until my calendar is overflowing with commitments. Between school, work and the various side projects I’m working on, I barely have enough time for me. Sure, like most of you, I spend quite a bit of time communicating with friends and family online. But, that’s not exactly the same as getting out and spending time with friends. Thursday nights have become that time for me.
Thursday started off being the night I attempt to walk into the support group meeting. Back then, I hated Thursdays. Even a little bit before then, I would always come home after yet another attempt to overcome my social anxiety cursing myself. I hated days off. I would have rather been at work.
Once I overcame the hurdle of walking into the support group building, I slowly started feeling comfortable there. I started feeling safe enough to talk about myself. My fears. I even started contributing to the conversation in general. After awhile, I started leaving slower than I used too. I didn’t want the night to come to a conclusion. I didn’t want to bottle myself up for another week. I heard a small group of people talking about heading down the street to a bar. I eventually asked if I could join them. I expected a “Oh alright. You can tag along. But, stay on the other side of the room” kind of response. That’s not what I got. Instead, one of them said “Sure!” Now, I could never walk in there by myself, but if there was a group, I might be able to handle it. So, I walked down the street with them. I locked up my bike. And I went in. What I’ve found there is that I don’t have to stay bottled up. It’s a lesbian bar. We usually hang out in the back talking and laughing.
Last night, as we were all getting ready to leave, three young women walked back to the area where we were and immediately started messing with the big screen tv. I had never seen it on, so I stayed behind to see if they were able to get a picture on it. It turned out, one of them had family back in the area where a lot of tornados had hit. She hadn’t heard from a relative. She didn’t have cable. So, she wanted to get some news on the situation. That right there is what made me stay and try to help. After a failed attempt, they went outside to smoke. With the TV still pulled out from the wall, I decided to take a crack at it. I initially bypassed the splitter. But, that made the bartender come up to tell me that he lost the connection on the TV downstairs. Oops. After putting that back, I saw a Composite cable sitting on a nearby couch. Probably tossed aside while trying to untangle cords. I instantly knew this is the way I could probably get the picture. I hooked it up to the back of the cable box and the other to the TV. I changed the input to Video 1 and wala! Picture! I went outside and told them about my success.
By this time, I had decided to see if I could write a blog post there. My friends were gone. The only distractions were the music and the three women who came back to the area where I was hanging out.I took out my laptop and plugged it in. Once it was out of my bag, one of the girls started taking glances at it. Another girl had a black laptop. I mentioned that I used to have one. The girl who was eyeing mine mentioned that it belonged to her. And how it had been stolen, recovered and beat up. But, still amazingly, worked. We ended up talking. Turns out, she worked briefly for a company I interviewed with. We talked about the company. She explained some frustrations that she had at the location she worked at on the east coast.
She is a rather petite young woman in her 20’s. Once she knew that I was with the two women who had left, she opened up more about herself. And I in turn opened up as well. We shared pics of each other on our phones. She talked about how she is often mistaken for a man. I asked her many questions. What I really wanted to know was if she had been verbally or physically asaulted. That’s my greatest fear in transition. She told me she had never been physically beaten up. But, on rare occasion someone will call her a name. She mainly identifies as lesbian. But, she seemed genuinely curious about trans stuff. In most of the pictures she was showing me of herself she looked like a teenage boy. She knew we had come from the trans meeting. I told her when it was. She wrote it down in her phone. At that point, she noticed that her girlfriend had fallen asleep on one of the couches. So, we parted ways at that point.
Oh, and the girl who wanted to watch tv mentioned that she liked my bike. 🙂
Thursday’s used to be the worst day of my week. Now, I couldn’t take the rest of the week without my Thursdays.