I wrote this email to some friends a couple of weeks ago. It was one of two versions sent out, to keep friends in the loop. This version was sent out to mostly people I know on Twitter, and/or see at every Ignite and am facebook friends with. I feel a little bit more at ease talking about transition related topics on twitter. So, although I’m not making the jump to living full time in the immediate future, the timing felt right.
Another small step.
I wondered if sending it was the right thing to do. Now, that social anxiety isn’t ruling my life, I feel like I’m trying to live my life to it’s fullest extent. But, there is a nagging safety voice in the back of my brain warning of dire consequences if I say anything to anyone. When it comes to a decision such as this, I needed at least a couple of days to weigh my options. I came to the conclusion that if/when I finally transition, I don’t want to just vanish and start over. I’m not going to close my twitter account. And I’m not going to say goodbye to new friends I’ve found via twitter and Ignite. I’ve worked hard over the last couple of years to beat my social anxiety. And I value these friendships. I went through each name in my address book and thought, based on my own knowledge of the person, how they might handle the news. You can never know for sure how someone is going to handle this kind of news. In many ways, your shooting blind. But, in the end, I chose people I knew were fairly liberal and open minded. And to be honest, I picked a few people who are liberal, but are also known as leaders in the Boulder community. It was a bit of a tactical decision. There were a few people on the list, who I speak with mostly online and have met in person. But, I don’t see them in real life that often. I figured, just in case I become the topic of discussion, it’s good to have someone they respect on my side.
One last note. I will next publish the email I sent to closer friends. When it came time to send an email out to people I mostly stay in touch with online, I chose a different tone. A touching email didn’t seem right. My twitter account, for instance, is where I can feel free to be funny or sarcastic. It’s just a fun place to let loose and not be too serious. For this email, I chose the light hearted approach. Also, it should be said that I wrote this at a local diner at 2am. It had already been a long day. But, I wanted to get it done. I come off as a bit loopy. And admit it.
Although everyone included in the email knows my real name, I sent it from an email address they would recognize coming from ‘frogtosser’, my twitter nic. I also, BCC’d everyone.
Part 2 of this series will be the other email I sent out. Part 3 of 3 will be the responses I received back. I hope to get them all posted today.
Without further ado, here it is:
Good morning Internet! You, good person, know me as the frogtosser on the twitter. AND you know me on facebook as well. THAT is one of the reasons I’m bugging you with this email.
Don’t worry. I’ll make this short.
The other reason is because, outside of a few of you, I have met you in person. We’ve shaken hands at an Ignite Boulder. We’ve ridden our bikes around gang infested neighborhoods, I’ve jailbroken your iphone and failed at doing so for your boyfriend. We went to school together. but, didn’t officially meet until we found each other on twitter. or at the very least, we’ve said hi. And in one case, we have a bizarre family connection. Please don’t talk to them about this *******. At least not yet.
What that means, is that you have a certain impression of me. Good I hope. Hello? is thing on? Sorry. I’m writing this while eating french toast at 2am at ****** ********. No. I have not been drinking. Although I thought I might have to just to hit send.
Damn. This is harder than it ought to be. Ok. here goes nothing. Things are about to change a little bit. At least online. I’m shutting down the facebook account of ****** *******. And I will be doing all of my facebooking schtuff over under the name ******* ********. Um. Your jaw is in your oatmeal. Let me get that for you.
If you still don’t get it: I’M SAYING I’M TRANSGENDERED.
But, what does that mean about me in person? Don’t worry. I’m not going to be actually wearing dresses to the next ignite. Afterall, I wouldn’t want to upstage ******. Please don’t hit me ******. I love you. Well, not in that creepy kind of way. When you see me out around town or at Ignite, please don’t hesitate calling me Dude. You can and should refer to me as the frogtosser or (male name). Or that jerk who thinks he’s funny on twitter.
I get it. You have questions. And maybe you want to quote bible verses to me. I get it. I’m patient. Just to fill you in a little with some facts: I have struggled with this my entire life. Recently, I’ve come to some acceptance. I am on hormones. Yes, there have been “changes”. No. I will not show you. No. I have not had any “operations”. Yes. I’m still mostly assexual. Although that *** character is starting to look awfully sexy. JUST KIDDING. If you have further questions or shouting, just DM me on twitter or send them to this email address. I’ll do my best to be as honest with you as possible.
This may not come as a surprise to some of you. After all, I am the most flaming homosexual you’ve ever met. What?
So, why am I telling you? Well, when I got into Google+ (Yeah, I know. gloat gloat internet asshole), I had to make a decision. Making the cut (so to speak) over on facebook has been something I’ve been thinking about for a couple of weeks. I needed to make another leap away from my old life. So, a couple of you have seen me over on the Google+. And I was approached for some clarification. I like to take baby steps. If this works, I’ll try making other changes. What can I say? The time for this felt right.
OK. I’m starting to ramble. At any rate, this email is me taking control of the situation. Directing my life. If you have a problem with this decision of mine, I will patiently listen. But, fair warning. I won’t be easily swayed. Oh sure, I’ll fully respect your opinion. But, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I’ve thought of every angle. Every way this can not be what I need to do. There have been many suicide attempts.
So, what’s next? I honestly don’t know. Well. I do know. But, seeing as I don’t exactly pass as female, I still have some work to do. But, when I know the next step, I’ll keep you informed. If get a lot of responses that this was not the right way to do it, I’ll just write it in my blog. You can find the address on my twitter. Or just google frogtossers blog. Apparently that works. So, says that analytical thingy. Damn estrogen. I’m already starting to put “y”‘s at the end of words.
In all seriousness, if you’ve received this email, it means I respect you and treasure our internet friendship. Your good people. And I’d like to keep you as a friend. Thanks for listening.
Now back to your previously scheduled life.