Encouraging Words From the Edge

The other day, while chatting with a good friend, I said that I hope I’ll have enough guts to move on with my life without having a life threatening disease or event get me out of the funk that I’m currently in.

You see, I get encouragement from all sorts of people from all different backgrounds. But, the most encouragement seems to come from people from two different backgrounds. Either they’ve reached an age where they see mortality as a real thing. Or they’ve had a life threatening disease like cancer that made them realize that they should live life to it’s fullest now while they still can.

Now, I recognize that my description of my current mental state as “a funk” isn’t really very descriptive. And it’s also a little misleading. I just feel like I’m in a funk most of the time. I know what is keeping me moving forward. It’s this constant fear that I’m going to be beat up or killed if I show the world my real self. I’m in the process of facing these fears. And I hope that by the time fall rolls around, that these fears won’t be in my way as much as they are now.

At the same time, it’s very interesting to get so much encouragement from a friend who has survived breast cancer. Or being pulled aside at the end of group by an older trans friend who is in her 60’s and no longer cares what the world thinks of her to have her tell me that she’ll go shopping with me anytime. It almost, and I stress almost, makes me want to be stricken by a life threatening condition to make me realize that this life is short and I won’t get a second chance at it.


About Frogtosser

A former sailor and pizza maker who is done hiding from the world and is now living life to it's fullest extent. I'm a single speed bicycle commuter who enjoys writing and photography. I'm a voracious reader. And a huge geek!
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One Response to Encouraging Words From the Edge

  1. Reneta Scian says:

    There are certainly things out there that push and pull us. Some of us reached the edge, looked over, and it made us realize that we needed a better way. I was one of those people, and even though I am only 30, like you mentioned in your post, I like to believe that I see mortality as a very real thing. Both my military career, and my condition made both of those things terribly obvious to me. But they don’t have to change you. I am still me even though I realize those things, and I was still able to do what needed to be done. Mind you I am hardly normal, maybe I even have a rebellious streak when it comes to social dogmas.

    Especially when it comes to social dogmas. I have throughout my life had a tendency to question or challenge social norms, and sift them through my value system. But I also understand that what works for one may or may not work for another. You don’t need be stricken with a life threatening condition, there are plenty of stressors in your life that can do that. Realizing what is life threatening and what that means can be very transformative. A fate needs not be intrinsically imminent for it to be threatening. Sometimes understanding a condition can bridge your reasoning from what you want to what you need.

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