As my self confidence improves of late, I’ve been looking into some boxes stored since the relationship with the ex broke up. In these not so mini time capsules, I’m finding artifacts no longer needed. But, things I wasn’t ready to get rid of.
After we broke up, I took my things and initially put them in my grandparent’s basement. Over time, I moved some of them to my parent’s crawl space. But, as my depression and anxiety worsened, I let them sit. My life had fallen apart. All I wanted to do was hide.
Now that I’m in a much better place, I’m looking back at these boxes and finding that it’s really beyond time to go through them and fill some trash bags. I have the use of a truck this summer. So, the timing is right to do this. Once a week, I’ve been stopping at my parent’s house on Fridays before heading home from work to grab at least one box. This week, I grabbed three. And then over the course of the weekend, I go through them.
When life was falling apart around me, I just found some boxes and put my stuff in them. I wasn’t my normal organized self. It was an extremely emotional time. I had failed at a relationship with a woman. I had failed at being a father figure. I was a failure. And I didn’t know where my life was heading. So, I through my stuff in boxes and moved them less than a mile and then hid myself away until I could figure things out.
Doing this has been a very cathartic experience. Each box holds some very emotional memories. But, not everything is worth keeping. It feels good to get rid of things that I no longer need or want. Most of it is garbage. There’s a lot of paperwork. A ton of computer cables of various types (if you need a cable, I guarantee I have what you need).
It’s hard not to laugh as I go through each box. I’m often shaking my head and laughing a little. A utility bill from 2003. A piece of this or that. It’s really very random. I filled three trash bags this weekend. And there are only two boxes left at my parent’s basement crawlspace. And those are filled with cooking pans and dishes I don’t have a need or have the space for right now. So, they can stay put until I have my own place.
Oh. I almost forgot. When the relationship was ending, I came out to her. After she came down from being shocked and we talked about it, she ran upstairs and gave me a bunch of clothes she no longer wanted. I took them and put them all in a duffel bag that ended up with everything else. I had completely forgotten about it until recently. So, this past weekend, I got up the nerve to haul it up and throw it in the back of the truck. I was actually a little nervous walking past my mom and step dad, as if they knew what was in it. Old habits die hard. It wasn’t the first thing I went through this weekend. But, I did eventually find the courage.
What I found was good and bad. There were several pairs of jeans and denim shorts I can use. And some t-shirts that will probably fit me. There were other things in there that either won’t fit me or things I don’t like or want. So, there might be a few things I can take to the thrift store in my neighborhood. There were two dresses as well. Going through this bag gave me an excuse to reorganize my closet. My male clothes are now on the left side. And my female clothes are on the right. Both hanging up and on the shelf above the clothes rod. It’s a good start. When I decide that I’m ready to tackle clothing.